How Not to Sink on Your First Cruise, Mistakes to Avoid

After a year of medical hurdles, my husband Joe and I decided we deserved a "big one." We booked our first major cruise, drove down to Galveston, and prepared to be pampered. We stayed in a hotel the night before just to be "fresh" for boarding, only to realize the embarkation process was so seamless we could have saved the extra hotel bill and driven in that morning!

Safe to say, we learned a lot. If you’re a woman in your 50s looking for relaxation, take it from me: the learning curve is steeper than the gangplank. Here is our "What Not to Do" guide so you can keep your dignity (and your hair) intact.

1. The Great Gala Myth

Joe and I packed the heavy hitters: the formal gown and suit we wore to a fancy Christmas party. We scoured the agenda for "The Gala," only to find… nothing. After cornering a staff member, we learned it was just a "nicer dinner" with the same menu as every other night. I spent the evening in velvet, sitting next to a man in cargo shorts. To cap it off, we headed to the dueling piano bar where people hovered over us like hawks, waiting to snatch our seats the second we shifted an inch. Lesson: Skip the ballgown; "dressy casual" is the true king of the sea.

2. The Spa Day from Hell

I splurged on a massage and blowout. The massage was lovely until the high-pressure sales pitch for $200 facial cream started. Then came the hair. Because we didn't rush to the spa the second we boarded, I got stuck with an 8:00 PM appointment.

The stylist proceeded to rip a brush through my wet hair without a drop of detangler. I had to ask for curls six times. She seemed personally offended by the request. Without any product, those "curls" lasted 45 minutes, cost a fortune, and left me looking like I’d been licked by a literal sea monster.

3. Food, Follies, and Fives

We made some "interesting" financial choices. Here’s the breakdown:

• The "My Choice" Mystery: We bought a dining package no one could explain. "It’s on Deck 8," they’d say. Turns out, it just meant we could eat at the main restaurant whenever we wanted. The kicker? The buffet had the exact same food, more variety, and was completely free.

• Specialty Dining: We bought two "specialty" dinners, thinking it was a romantic deck-side meal. Nope. It’s just reservations for specific restaurants. Since we didn't book within the first half hour of boarding, our top choices were already gone.

• The Cash Crunch: We brought $20s. Big mistake. You tip everyone—the tour guide and the bus driver are separate people! We spent way too much because we didn't have a stack of $5 bills. Don’t forget to tip every restroom attendant.

• The Pre-Order Blunder: I ordered Champagne, wine and macaroons for the room, hoping to space them out. They delivered everything before we arrived. We were greeted by warm bubbles in a bucket of melted ice and cookies that became stale before we ate them.

4. Packing: Less is More (Except for Lysol)

• The Towel Trap: Don’t pack beach towels. They are everywhere on the ship and at excursions. Save that suitcase space!

• Luggage Logistics: If you carry your own bags, you get off the ship first. We brought way too many bags and were stuck waiting for our "zone" to be called.

• The Shoe Situation: I wish I’d brought shoes with grip. Those beautiful, polished decks become ice rinks once you add a cocktail and a slight ocean swell.

• Health & Wellness: I used hand sanitizer and a mini air purifier religiously, but I wish I’d brought travel-sized Lysol. I still spent the last two days of the trip sick and dragging.

5. Pro-Tips for the Novice Sailor

• Magnet Clips & Lanyards: Our neighbors decorated their metal doors with festive lanterns using magnet clips—it looked so cute and helped them find their room! Also, buy a lanyard before you board. You need your cruise card for everything, but the gift shop doesn’t open until you’re out at sea.

• The Alcohol Secret: The interior bars have much better spirits than the pool bars. If you want the "good stuff," head inside.

• Nature’s Fury: It gets windy. Bring a hair hoop (or headband) and an extra set of warm clothes. I spent half the trip shivering in my "tropical" attire.

• Peace of Mind: After watching the safety video, Joe and I went to physically look at the lifeboats. It sounds silly, but it made me feel 100% better.

• Free Fun: You don't always need an excursion! We could have spent the day in Costa Maya without spending a dime on a tour. Also, a simple deck of cards was our best friend during sea days.

The Verdict?

We may have been slightly battered, poorly coiffed, and out a few extra dollars, but we survived! Next time, I’m bringing the $5 bills, the Lysol, and the grippy shoes.