A GiGi’s Tactical Guide to surviving Disney World

A Newly Retired GiGi’s Guide to the Disney "Vacation" (I Use That Word Loosely)

Let me start by saying this: I am officially retired. I have traded in my professional wardrobe for sensible sneakers and my office stress for the much more important title of GiGi. I’ve survived corporate restructures and decades of government paperwork, so I thought I was ready for Disney World.

I was not. Disneyland is a charming weekend hobby; Disney World is a hostile takeover of your central nervous system. To help you navigate your first "post-career" trip to the Florida swamps, I’ve compiled this report based on our recent trip for my granddaughter, Celeste’s 10th birthday.

✈️ The Arrival: From Dallas with Love

We started with a short 3-hour direct flight from Dallas. Stepping off the plane, I realized Florida’s "winter" is basically a Texas spring, which was a lovely reprieve from the cold and rain.

We met the kids, who drove in from New Orleans (God bless their stamina), and decided to "dip our toe" into Disney by having dinner at Maria and Enzo’s in Disney Springs. It was a nice, civilized start before we entered the "Hunger Games" portion of the week.

The next morning at 9:00 AM, we met for a photo shoot in matching shirts. Look, if you’re going to be exhausted and sweaty, you might as well be coordinated. It’s the only way to identify your family members when the crowds reach "mosh pit" levels.

We stayed at Shades of Green, which is a lovely, quiet sanctuary—until you try to leave it.

* The "Short Walk" Lie: I was told there was a short walkway to Magic Kingdom. Lies. Due to construction at the Polynesian, that path is currently a construction zone.

* The Transit Hustle: We had to take a shuttle to the transportation hub just to get on a monorail. By the time I actually saw a castle, I felt like I’d already completed a triathlon.

* The "Off-Season" Myth: We went during Presidents' Day week. I was told it would be quiet. Wrong. It was a sea of humanity. Every ride had a 45-minute wait, and some were 160 minutes. 160 minutes?! I’ve had surgeries that took less time than a line for a roller coaster.

* The Royal Treatment: Dinner at Be Our Guest was the peak of the Magic Kingdom day. My grandbaby and I both had the blue crab bisque, and the Beast stopped by our table several times. I think he was checking to see if I was actually going to finish my wine. (I was.) We topped it off with a specialty Mickey Mouse birthday cake. If you’re going to turn double digits, you might as well do it in a castle.

On our second day, we headed to Animal Kingdom. The first thing we did was a little safari. It was really cool and reminded me of the San Diego Zoo Safari, though after a few more rides, I noted there were fewer animal engagements than I expected.

For dinner, we stumbled upon Rainforest Café just outside the park entrance. I didn’t even realize it was there! It’s one of my favorite "gimmick" restaurants. We got Celeste the dessert volcanoes since it was her birthday trip. By the end of the day, my tracker said we had walked a ton—I want to say 16,000 steps (though it felt like 160,000).

Two things I did learn is that a group of zebra is called a dazzle and a group of flamingo is called a flamboyance. Isn’t that fabulous!

Tip- See the Lion King show! It’s a great production and it’s a good half hour of seated air conditioning!

*People told me Epcot was a "grandparent’s park" with great food. Well, on Day 3, the "Walk Around the World" was a bit of a scam. I thought I’d be tasting delicate bites from around the globe. Instead, the portions were huge, the lines were longer than a DMV on a Friday, and the crowds were enormous.

* The Aquarium Ambush: We ate at the Coral Reef. The aquarium was amazing, but the menu was a head-scratcher. Who wants short ribs or brisket after walking in 80-degree heat all day? It was heavy, expensive, and they charged extra for a salad. What exactly is the prefix for, then? The privilege of sitting near a shark?

* I thought the shops would be Disney-focused. Nope. You can buy a Prada purse in France or a $10,000 crystal Snow White in Germany. I did find a caramel apple decorated like Mickey, which was much more in my "newly retired" price range

* We stayed late to catch the Disney on Broadway concert. It was only 30 minutes, but seeing Mary Poppins sing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was a highlight. We had the dinner package, so we got into the shorter line—thank goodness.

* My phone said I had walked 27,000 steps at Epcot. At that point, I wasn't retired; I was "expired." My legs were officially on strike.

* The Tactical Recovery: The next day, I took my grandbaby to the Mickey-shaped pool and had a frozen cocktail by the water. That was the most "retired" I felt all week.

* The Fireworks Hack: If you want to see the fireworks without being stepped on, go to the sandy beach at the Polynesian. We sat in comfy beach chairs, watched a light show on the water, and had a perfect view of the Magic Kingdom fireworks.

🍎 The Grand Finale:

On our last night, we did Storybook Dining at Artist Point. It was a full-blown production! Dopey, Grumpy, and Snow White were there, and I was even "summoned" to see the Evil Queen. The dessert came on a little tree stand with smoking dark chocolate as an "antidote" for the poison apple. It was delicious, dramatic, and the perfect way to end the trip.

My Final Evaluation:

Disney World is a lot like a high-stress job: there’s a lot of walking, the food is overpriced, and you’re constantly managed by people in uniforms. But seeing Celeste’s face light up? That’s a retirement bonus no 401k can match.